Lock Up Your Sons: Virginia McCaskey Is Going Off Birth Control

BREAKING: Chicago Bears owner and longtime Chi-Town starlet Virginia McCaskey has announced in a press conference that she will be no-longer on birth control.

“I’ve decided, I want to start f*cking again,” Ms. McCaskey explained to thousands of Bears fans overrunning Millenium Park just to hear her speak. “And, this time – no pills, condoms, nothing, it’ll be RAW. Like Caleb Williams!”

PARENTS – if your son is at peak physical performance be WARNED. Think they’ll resist? They CAN’T. Ms. McCaskey’s siren call includes a bodycount of Mike Ditka, Michael Jordan, and Barack Obama.

EDITOR’S NOTE: In defense of Ms. McCaskey, Ditka, Jordan, and Obama did all claim the experience changed their life, point of view, and relationship with the universe.