Lincoln Financial Field Announces New Mega Sandwich To Stick In Your Fat Fucking Maw

For the Bird’s home opener tonight Lincoln Financial Field has announced a new “Philly Special” Sandwich that’s so big and so mega its creation is specifically for the fat fucking maw of a Philadelphian. 

The new Philly Special is comprised of two class hoagies into one: a Philly cheesesteak (with onions), a Philly cheese bomb (with peppers) and a side of double-A Duracell batteries to throw at opposing fans, players, or really anyone not wearing an Eagles jersey. 

“Every Eagles fan has a big fat gapping maw,” said Eagles owner Jeffery Lurie, “But now with the latest in sandwich technology we can fill the yaps of the boundless, expansive, and immeasurable jowls-chompers of Philadelphians everywhere — for $14.95!” 

The Eagles Front Office has also committed to free battery refills with proof of direct-hit and incapacitation of a non-Eagle-fan!