Uh Oh: Only Doctor On Plane Wearing Jaguars Hat

Since American Airlines Flight 97 from LaGuardia to LAX has been airborne, passengers have reported increased anxiety over the rumor that the flight carries only one doctor and that, to further their consternation, the doctor in question appears to be wearing a teal Jacksonville Jaguars hat with a black brim. 

The presence of the lone doctor was first exposed by Eric Matheson, the lead flight attendant, who often likes to ask as a lighthearted joke as a flight gets underway whether any “medical professionals” are on board. However, to the horror of Matheson and the entire rest of the plane, Dr. Andrew Escaravage, MD raised his hand. 

“What the hell is a Jaguars fan doing on a flight from New York to L.A. in the first place?” asked Sunny Ortega, an entertainment lawyer from Bergen, NJ, giving voice to the two-hundred-plus passengers who are similarly concerned about their health and wellbeing. “And does he have to wear the hat? I have a heart murmur.” 

Dr. Escaravage, for his part, was all smiles. “I am a Jags fan. I was born and raised in Jacksonville. I know Mark Brunnell. And hey, the colors aren’t that bad.” And as for his qualifications? Escaravage somehow managed to graduate first in his residency class from UCLA and went on to receive a fellowship from Harvard in complex oncology. While Escaravage tried to calmly relay this information to the rest of the cabin, it did not serve to ease the passengers’ unrest. 

While passing over Flagstaff, Ariz., a Ms. Kia Browning in 21F reported dizziness and faintness of breath. Further inquiry revealed that she has a collapsed lung. “I have to ask again,” urged Matheson. “Is there a medical professional on this flight?” After Dr. Escaravage raised his hand, Matheson nervously added, “Anyone else?” 

As Flight 97 prepared for landing, Browning was reportedly accepting CPR from a passenger in a Rams hoodie who had once considered a PhD in dramaturgy.