Barack Obama and 5 Other Olympic Snubs

Despite leading our country for two terms as President, smoking weed in college, and killing Bin Laden, former president Barack Obama was not asked, dare we say “snubbed”, the ultimate American honor: the men’s US Olympic swimming team. He isn’t the only one getting passed over by the International Olympic Committee, here are the other craziest Olympic snubs.

 

GNOME CHOMPSKI

The “Little Rocket Man” was left off the roster for the US Croquet Team. In an interview, Chompski said he was very understanding about the IOC’s decision. The backlash from America’s favorite Gnome being passed over has caused looting, rioting, and even shootings all over the US.

 

BRADLEY COOPER

Looks like the US Lacrosse team won’t feature Bradley Cooper in their silver linings playbook. The 49-year-old divorcé, found out via direct message on Truth Social that he will not be participating in this year’s summer games alongside his “lax brothas.” He was so irate after hearing the news, he snapped his lucky lacrosse stick, “Henry Stickers III,” in half.

 

COOKIE MONSTER

Sesame Street’s own, Cookie Monster, was not asked to represent the US in the BMX Freestyle event. Monster has brought smiles and laughter to millions of American children across multiple generations, but surprisingly that garnered him no support from the IOC regarding his involvement in the Paris Olympics.

 

RICHARD SIMMONS

We are shocked and deeply saddened to report that beloved Richard Simmons will not be able to participate in this year’s summer Olympics. The US Water Polo team will represent their country without Simmons this summer. When asked for comment about not being chosen, Simmons did not respond.

 

JOAQUIN PHOENIX

Robbery! I mean, let’s be honest, the guy can play anything.

 

Tune in next week for “Michael Phelps And The Only Five Other Productive Stoners”!