Stephen Miller Furious With How Much World Is At This World Cup

The World Cup has seen 47 nations descend on North America. Each has shared the rich tapestry of their cultures along with a unified love for the game of soccer. For White House deputy chief of staff and homeland security advisor Stephen Miller, that’s far too many nations. Far, far too many.

“I was informed that this was to be a small tournament between the United States and a few other countries we currently lease,” spit Miller. “So, when I saw Norway on day one, I was pleased. But then I saw Ghana! And didn’t we deal with Kazakhstan?! So many other disgusting countries are here too. I immediately put together a plan for the President to stop this obvious border breach.”

“We call it ‘Project 2026: This Is Probably Biden’s Fault’,” President Donald Trump proudly exclaimed. “We’re going to put up the best floaty walls on the water sides of this great nation. The floaty walls will be guarded by patriotic starfish called “Stars and Stripes Fish”. It’ll cost a billion dollars to build the walls and the fish, but we’ll never see those pet-eating players from those shithole countries again!”

White House sources reported hearing what one described as “the death roar of an African bull elephant”. They rushed inside Miller’s office to see Miller standing over the computer monitor with a cocked fist. Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt attempted to hand him a brown paper bag to breathe into, but Miller slapped it away as he often does to anything brown.

“I just saw teams wearing red, white, and blue!” screached Miller. “France?! Chile?! Costa fucking Rica?! I’ll personally hunt down every last one of them!”

Miller paused to stare confusedly at the monitor. “Just look at this Ivory Coast team! I mean, ivory still means ‘white’, right?! Look, some teams are fine. I really love the Israel team. They shouldn’t even have to play the games. Maybe our team should play for them.”