65-Year-Old Harkens Back To The Who’s Legendary Halftime Performance From 10 Years Ago

Upon awakening in his chair from his daily, albeit spontaneous, afternoon nap, 65-year-old grandfather of four, Tyler Lang, waxed nostalgic over The Who’s legendary Super Bowl Halftime Show from 10 years ago. 

“What is this I’m watching? Weeknd what? ‘Flashing Lights’ says nothing about teen angst in the UK. And what is a ‘Starboy?’ Back in my day, a Pepsi Halftime Show was about a bunch of sixty-five year-olds giving the finger to society with fourty-five-year-old songs about my generation. Ugh, this loser’s not even doing a windmill strum,” Lang shouted at no one in particular.

Although The Weeknd is an extremely popular artist worldwide, Lang insists the music is soulless and would never be considered for a CSI intro. “Look at this punk with his plastic surgery. A mod wouldn’t do that. A mod would let father time destroy his body and mold him into a barely recognizable see-through sack of loose skin and arthritic bones that vaguely resembles Peter Townshend. I bet this corporate shill has never even passed out onstage from horse tranquilizers.”

Lang, like many retirees, hasn’t been a fan of the halftime show for years. ”Today’s halftime shows have nothing to say anymore. Ten, twelve years ago the shows were more than just lights and dancing, God dammit. They had balls. And enough gall to play songs from a seventy-five-minute rock opera about a child who is deaf, dumb, and blind as a result of his father murdering his mother’s lover before his very eyes. I bet this Weeknd character can’t even play a mean pinball. And that’s what a halftime show is really about.”