Aging Racehorse Settles For Job At Medieval Times

Former Triple Crown-winning racehorse Senator Lettuce announced his exit from the sport of kings via Twitter today, telling followers that he’s choosing instead to settle for the next chapter of his life by working at his local Medieval Times Dinner and Theater.

“As you all know, there’s nothing I love more than to compete *horse emoji* *angry emoji* *bicep flex emoji*(1/3),” tweeted an aging Lettuce, “And even though I still want to race with the big boys, my body just can’t keep up anymore *old horseman emoji* (2/3). That’s why I’m moving on to the next logical step of my horse career and joining Team Yellow Knight, Mondays through Thursdays, at Castle Baltimore – let the games begin!!! *sword emoji* *olympics emoji*  *3 roasted chicken emojis* (3/3)”

According to his trainers, Lettuce has been busy working out at a nearby horse high school, re-acclimating himself with jousting and dressage. Outside of work, the former champ has been spending his evenings sharing drinks with his future Medieval Times co-horses while picking their brains on what to expect during his rookie season.

“@blackandwhiteknightshorse said to plan for heavier jockeys *armor emoji* but equally drunk crowds *3 beer mug emojis* #cantwait #stablebros #nogluenomore”

Outside of his shifts at the Castle, Lettuce says he is thankful for Medieval Times’ incredible horse health insurance policy, vastly superior to the horse health insurance awarded to him by the horse racing circuit. Such perks of Castle Baltimore’s horse health insurance includes covering all of his illegitimate children, horse doctor visits from the moment he steps foot in the battle arena, and no trips to glue factories. 

Congrats Senator Lettuce, may you ride off into the Medieval sunset.