Baby Got Bunt: Five Scorching Small Ball Plays That Got All The Dads Hot In Their Dockers

Sick of “hotdogs” catching the ball one-handed or bat-flipping their way to walk-off glory? Whatever happened to manufacturing the run—you know, like the ’72 Pirates did? Does the name Richie Hebner mean anything anymore? Here are five tongue-dropping, Dockers-wetting small-ball plays to put the propane back in your dad’s tank.

  1. Infield Single à Pitcher Bunt à Fielder’s Choice à Sac Fly

It’s best if the single lands somewhere between the pitcher’s mound and home plate and the lead runner is your thirty-nine-year-old catcher with bad knees. Your dad will put his hand on your mom’s knee for the first time since drinking that margarita at the Crab Deck back in ‘06. “That’s baseball,” he’ll say, feeling forty-eight again.

  1. A Dropped Third Strike Where the “Kid” Fucking Legs It Out

“When the catcher drops strike three, you don’t just stare at the ball and peel off the dugout. That’s Bush League. THAT’S BUSH LEAGUE!” Well put, Dad. So when the team’s utility man, whose last name stretches across the back of your dad’s St. Patrick’s Day jersey, barely legs out a dropped-third strike, you’ll start to see the midsize kielbasa you came from take form in the old man’s slacks.

  1. The Squeeze

It takes balls to squeeze. Dad knows this. You know this. Squeeze! The balls, boys.

  1. Infield-Fly Rule Confusion

Best day of your dad’s life: He’s the only one in PNC Park who understands the infield fly rule. Buckle in because this one will have both managers out on the field, all four umps huddled meekly by the phone, and your dad shouting for everyone in the vicinity what those on the field are slowly figuring out. “Textbook,” he says, about a million times.

  1. The Drag Bunt

The one play dad reminds you he pulled off junior year to win State. This has got “full chub” written all over it. Rest assured, his striped PJ bottoms go straight to the wash the next morning.

So there you have it. Join us tomorrow when we ask with utmost hostility: “Whatever happened to the hook shot?”