Browns Defenders Wishing Deshaun Watson Wouldn’t Keep Asking Them To Target His Ankle Monitor During Practice
With training camp behind him and the regular season around the corner, Cleveland Browns starting linebacker Quincy Williams should be locked in. Instead, he’s got starting quarterback and first-string felon Deshaun Watson on his mind. That’s because everyday at practice, Watson implores the defense to aim their tackles at his ankle monitor.
“At first, it was subtle,” explained Williams. “We’d be stretching and he’d sigh loudly and say stuff like ‘Man, my ankle sure is vulnerable today. I hope nobody violently dives headfirst into my lower shins. No one is blocking for me. Ankle. Wide. Open.’ Of course we knew what he meant. But does he know that’s not how ankle monitors work?”
Defensive tackle Mason Graham shook his head. “He offered me $5 million in an offshore account if I cracked the casing. And if I shattered the battery, he’d up that to $25 million and give me his fully guaranteed contract and a tip on a great massage place.”
“He won’t let it go,” added cornerback Denzel Ward angrily. “Last week he tried to tell me, ‘Come on man, Myles used to do it! He’d spear this thing off my leg with this helmet in five seconds!’ Let the Steelers defensive line help him flee Cuyahoga County!'”
To his credit, head coach ToddMonken is completely ignoring the situation in press conferences. “Look, if Deshaun wants to spend $25 million of his own money to bribe our pass rushers into committing aggravated battery on his lower extremities, that’s an internal football decision and we’re going to keep that in-house. But I love his old school grit! Love it!”
When asked about his pleas to the team, Watson paused painting a target on his ankle and smiled. “Nah, I’m not trying to breach any jurisdiction. It’s all psychological prep for the season. I’m just trying to hype the boys on D, get them dialed in. By the way, do you have a chisel and a hammer?” Then Watson just stared off, faintly whispering the word “free” repeatedly right up until the moment Quincy William blindsided him with the force of a semi.
