Flagrant Foul From Struggling Point Guard Directed More At His Father Than Other Team

In what onlookers all agreed was a completely understandable display of psychological projection, local Grinnell College sophomore Bryce Hargreaves was clearly thinking of his overbearing father when he violently shoved his opponent into the sidelines.

“I was gonna eject the kid, but as soon as I heard him scream, ‘Stop telling me not to follow my dreams!’ and saw he was crying, I knew what this was really about,” said local referee Ed Sydell. “I figured a Technical would send the message that — while we clearly all care about what Bryce is going through — he can’t just use another student’s body as a symbolic receptacle of his rage at the cosmic injustice of his domestic life like that.”

Even the victim of Hargreaves’ outburst, Knox College’s Michael Stanton, stressed no hard feelings following the incident.

“Hey, my dad’s a piece of shit too, so I totally get it,” said Stanton, who noted that the 15 stitches he had required when the side of his head hit the announcers’ table felt like nothing compared to the years of unspoken emotional neglect he had witnessed brimming behind Hargreaves’ deadened, downcast eyes.

According to witnesses, Bryce’s father, Scott Hargreaves, was in attendance and had spent the majority of the first two quarters yelling that his older brother would have no trouble making the shots Bryce missed. The technical itself occurred shortly after a visibly inebriated Scott implied his son’s desire to study music instead of getting a business degree may have been what “finally finished off” Bryce’s deceased mother, Ellen, the previous year.

Following the technical foul, the Grinnell player played for eight more minutes, where he amassed 9 points, 4 assists, and one well-connected punch to the opposing team’s coach that finally made his dad proud.