Hear Us Out: Swap The National Anthem For The ‘Seinfeld’ Theme Song Before Yankee Games

How many times have you been sitting at Yankee Stadium only for the public address announcer to predictably ask you to rise and remove your hats as they pay tribute to America through the tired, old jingle known as “The Star-Spangled Banner”? Sound familiar? Okay, so hear us out: instead of being forced to sit through another lame, uninspired performance of the national anthem before the first pitch, swap it with the Seinfeld theme song. 

Imagine standing proudly with an American flag waving on the digital screens throughout the stadium and then hearing an absolute monster slap bass opening played on a synthesizer that is as American as a big salad. 

“bood-da doo dah doot da boot-doot do duh-duhhh”

Beautiful, right? Yeah, you can listen to “The Star-Spangled Banner” when you’re in Minneapolis or Boston or whatever. But at Yankee Stadium? In the greatest city in the world? We’re not interested in a blabbering composition about Baltimore and the War of 1812, yada, yada, yada, so there’s really no better way to honor nine incredible seasons of the greatest situational comedy of all time than having a Grammy Award-winning artist improvise the incredible funky sounds of composer Jonathan Wolff. 

And you wanna know what would happen? Everyone would take off their hat, tuck their plaid collared shirts into their jeans, and bask in the beautiful textures layered through the theme, such as the bongos, synth accents, and beatboxing that pay tribute to Jerry, Elaine, George, and Kramer, America’s four heroes, because that’s what New York is about, baby. And on opening day, just as that mid-range bass signals the ending of the theme—duuuuuh nuh nah-nah-nah NAH-NAH!—a military flyover would put the stamp on it all by dropping 54,251 marble rye loaves on the adoring, patriotic crowd. 

Make this change immediately MLB, or New York City will see to it that there will be no baseball for you.