How These 11 Tranquilizers Can Stop The Rams Offense

Another year. Another mountain of evidence suggesting the Super Bowl bound LA Rams have this year’s unstoppable, killer offense. While the rest of the league struggles to contain them, these 11 tranquilizers have what it takes to stop the Rams offense.

First, Matthew Stafford processes threats quickly, so you’ll have to outwit him. He’s the head of the snake. You hit him, and the rest of them will be sitting ducks.

Some of these can be taken care of in the locker room. After you gain access to this secure area by sedating the security staff, leave tight end Tyler Higbee a little note in his locker that instructs him to jab this dart into his neck. Done.

While you’re waiting in the team laundry hamper, there should be a slot to hide for you to prepare your next dart for Cooper Kupp as he puts on his pads, you should fire off another tranquilizer before scurrying away, just in case he jukes the first. 

When you reach the field and see Odell Beckham Jr warming up, you can take comfort in knowing that the shot doesn’t need to be that accurate. He can catch anything, so I can’t imagine yelling, “Hey, OBJ, catch this tranquilizer dart!” will be any different.

Compared to the rest of the offense, taking care of the offensive line will be simple. Find your ideal location on the sidelines, and as they get set at the line – unable to move fearing a false-start penalty, shoot them in the ass, one-by-one. Be mindful, though. It’s going to take time to load each dart, and you’re going to want to get them all before the play clock runs out.

Pretty, pretty simple. 

Please note: The tranquilizers won’t stop Aaron Donald, though. You’d just have to kill him. Your call. 

Go Bengals.