Incredible: Babe Ruth Won’t Return Our Calls

Wow! No matter how many times we call baseball legend Babe Ruth, he won’t pick up. He hasn’t returned a single phone call so far. But just think: We’re talkin’ the “Great Bambino” here. The “Sultan of Swat.” The “King of Swing.” Babe. Fucking. Ruth. And he’s on the other end of the line, staring at the phone. Goddamn amazing!

But, you know, we would expect the guy with 714 career home runs to have a lot going on. Maybe he can’t get to those 25 voicemails we left him yesterday because he’s too busy calling his friggin’ shots. Or drinking whisky and smoking cigars with the other absolute beasts on Murderers’ Row.  And it’s possible his voicemail is full. The dude has 2,213 RBIs for Pete’s sake. I’m sure his phone is ringing off the hook with calls from Gehrig, Combs, and the baseball commish. And just to know we’re probably in Babe Ruth’s voicemail? Fucking. Unreal.

And can you believe we’re sending texts to the “Colossus of Clout” himself, on the hour, every hour? You know, the guy with a 0.690 slugging percentage?! “The Big Bam”? Famed pitcher and home run hitter? Babe freakin’ Ruth?  Of the 1920 Champion Yankees?  And one time we swear he started writing back, because we saw the dots appear then disappear. Leave it to the “Houser of Hoagies” to be too busy to even finish a text.

Now that we think about it, there’s a really good chance he might assume we’re one of those annoying robocalls. Also the man is 126 years old, so it’s possible he doesn’t know how to use his phone, too. Or, it could even be a new phone and he lost all his contact information. And now that I think of it, I heard that his great-granddaughter died, so there’s a good chance he’s occupied with funeral arrangements and family stuff.  But imagine: Babe Ruth crying over his dead great-granddaughter while his phone fills up with voicemails. From us! 

To be honest, the fact that we haven’t heard from Babe Ruth makes him even cooler. Way to leave us hangin’ like a curveball that you’d crush. Total. Fucking. Legend.