Kyrie Irving Salivating At Chance To Fuck Up Perfect Situation

Seldom do the stars align in professional sports for players to have the perfect opportunity to accomplish their goals. With the addition of James Harden to the Brooklyn Nets to go along with Kevin Durant, Kyrie Irving is once again in the perfect situation to completely fuck it up, and, he’s ready for it. “You play your whole career trying to capture greatness, and here I am once again given the chance to completely fuck up another incredible situation and go down as the most prolific destroyer of team chemistry the game has ever seen,” Irving said. 

For Irving he’s felt what it’s like to be on top of the sports world as an NBA champion, but according to him nothing is quite like the thrill of derailing the hopes and dreams of his teammates, coaches, and an entire city with a destructively bad attitude that can cause an irreparable rift in the locker room that no team could overcome. “You see I got my first taste of absolutely obliterating a player’s dream scenario by demanding out of Cleveland in 2017. Everyone tried saying, ‘No one could mess up the situation of playing with the best player in the world.’ So I said, ‘Oh, yeah? Watch me.’ And got the fuck out of there leaving that team and city, high and dry,” the All-Star Point-Guard explained.

Ever since then Irving has committed to a strict regimen of missing practice, talking behind players backs, telling the coach to “suck his dick,” and shooting 6-32 in key games. Yet he believes while he’s had his chances to fuck up great situations, he hasn’t had his white elephant of fucking up the perfect situation. “Oooh, baby. Kevin Durant and James Harden. Those are two of the best to ever do it. I can’t wait to tell one of them the other is sleeping with their girlfriend,” said Irving.