Odell Beckham Jr. Still Figuring Out What Cosmic Lesson He Has To Learn To Get Out Of Cleveland

In preparation for his next season with the Browns, Odell Beckham Jr. is still figuring out what sins he has committed in the past, and what cosmic lesson he has to learn to get out of Cleveland. Beckham, who has always thought of himself as pure of heart, now spends his days speculating on his past.  

Beckham, surrounded by smog and the endless screams from eternally tortured Browns fans, has been seen reflecting on himself, a lot. “I always thought that I was a good person, I’m honestly just baffled by Cleveland.” 

The star wide receiver is often found walking around the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame muttering to himself things like, “But…why Baker, why?” 

“I don’t know, maybe I was just too concerned about money or my own vanity,” Beckham began to ponder, as he sat by the Cuyahoga River, which is now on fire, permanently, drawing inspiration from the River Styx. “But that can’t be it–I gave those poor college kids money in their time of need,” continued Beckham, while trying to not get drowned out by the howls of the mighty Cerberus (Beckham’s neighbor in Cleveland). 

Beckham, while still dreaming out loud of what it will take to escape from this eternal void, often looks up in the sky in the hope of an escape to the Heaven of New England. But could New England turn into another eternal void for Beckham without Tom Brady there? Many questions still to be answered about the star wide receiver’s future, but the most pressing question is: has he learned his cosmic lesson yet?