Opinion: How Much Ritalin Am I Allowed To Give My Child So He Can Appreciate My Baseball Card Collection?

These Gen Z kids. They can’t pay attention to anything longer than a TikTok, let alone a whole baseball game. So, to fully enjoy my rare baseball card collection, it goes without saying they need a little help from your and my friend: Ritalin. The only question is how much Ritalin am I going to crush into their grape juice box so they can fully appreciate my collection?

As it turns out, over 90% of Collectors’ children require Ritalin to appear interested during a standard 12-hour baseball card lesson. Collectors’ have tried everything; Mickey Mantle, Shohei Ohtani, hell, they even have holographs now! Nothing worked, besides at least 50 mgs of medication in your little guy or gal’s system. Homerun, Ritalin!

Unfortunately, not every parent agrees with this method. Some parents have offered alternative approaches, like vitamins, exercise, and/or engaging with their child’s hobbies. However, studies show that 100% of those parents haven’t tried Ritalin. And while we at Sports Riot don’t think that drugs are always the answer – for baseball cards, it’s clear there’s only one option.

RITALIN.