Philadelphia Report: Baby Surprisingly Hard To Throw Onto Field

Sources have informed Sports Riot that a long and hallowed Philadelphia tradition dating back to 1987 went off without a hitch last night. As is tradition, a baby must be launched from the crowd onto the field during an Eagles playoff game. 

The baby in question found itself onto the field last night after being hurled 73 yards over the field goal net landing in the endzone. However, after a challenging Eagles playoff loss, the story being brushed under the elimination-rug is the difficult and incredible journey an Eagles baby takes to get onto the field of play.

“Most people don’t know what it takes to get junior in the endzone,” explained Ted Franklin, a lifelong Eagles fan, with his son, Aiden, in his arms. “It takes extra push ups and long hours throwing practice babies at the wall. And, an unquenchable void of happiness that only an Eagles championship can extinguish… for one offseason.”

“My dad threw me onto the Vet, I threw mine onto the Linc, and someday, he’ll throw my grandson out there. Home advantage or away game, the kid will be tossed,” Franklin said with a tear in his eye. 

Researchers at the University of Pennsylvania believe every male in Philadelphia has either been thrown towards a field with the Eagles on it, or was too weak and perished on the journey.