Pregnant Woman Glad She’ll Never Have To Experience Pain Of Double-Doinking A Playoff Field Goal

A three-time mother with one on the way is ecstatic that she’ll never have to experience the excruciating, soul-tearing pain of double-doinking a key playoff field goal.

Danielle Salidino’s viral Instagram post last Saturday explained her thinking on the matter. “I’ve gone through a C-section and two births where the baby came out sideways. And one time it happened so fast, there was no time for painkillers,” Salidino wrote of her high-risk labors. “But I’d rather have Freddy Krueger come out down there than double-doink a game-winning field goal in the playoffs while a stadium full of 60,000 people looked on. No amount of morphine or Oxy can put a dent in that suffering.”

Salidino went on to point out that even though labor pains — like the “ripping and shredding of your insides as your body dry heaves out an object the size of a wireless printer” — is nothing compared to watching “that pigskin bonk not once, but twice off the posts when your team needs you to do the one thing you are paid to do.”

“At least you get a kid out of the ordeal at birth,” she continued. “They at best will bring you joy and at the very least have extra organs for you should you need them. There’s no redeeming quality to a double-doink.”

She then went on to tag a GIF from that depicted her son Braddock obliterating the tissues of her birth canal “like a popped balloon” alongside a GIF of Cody Parkey double-doinking a game-winning field goal attempt in the 2018 NFC Wild Card game. “I chose to do the first thing four times. I’d never, EVER choose to do the second.”

Salidino is not the first woman to make this observation. In 2019 when the world-record holder for most births was told of Cody Parkey’s double-doink, she instantly took her own life.