What This Locker Room Footage We Took Says About Your Favorite Team’s Stadium Security Measures

Sports Riot doesn’t beat around the bush. In fact, we hide in the bush until the security guard blocking that stadium door notices an ominously large fire at the opposite end of the parking lot. Being the upstanding member of the security staff that he is, he went to investigate while we entered the hallowed stadium halls. 

Once inside sport’s Shangri-La, we had to blend in and become inconspicuous. Hot tip: What’s the easiest way to become unnoticeable? Light something on fire. While everyone was focused on the blaze, we snuck deeper into the stadium depths in search of the Holy Footage Grail. 

While a few people were tending to that child we set on fire earlier, we found a pair of LA Rams Trainer’s clothes to switch into. Unfortunately, the gentleman who owned these clothes was very unhappy we wanted his attire. So, we tied his unconscious self to a Rams radiator. Hot tip: Rope. Always have rope for stadium infiltration.

Some sort of alarm went off as team doctors went rushing in our opposite direction toward some “infant inferno emergency.” And, there it was – the Locker Room. A few swift seconds later and there we were, hidden in the team hamper, filming everything. 

Over 34 glorious minutes of footage filmed that went directly to the Sports Riot cloud for safekeeping. Most of which was sadly mundane, some players and coaches walking in and out and the occasional security guard running through screaming something about some child-fire-manslaughter-something. 

After slipping out the way we came in, we took a moment and wondered to ourselves if it was all worth it while watching the LA Fire Department fight a “historic Los Angeles fire.” An answer that was as obvious as any. Because, that footage of Baker Mayfield fucking some fan in a Cleveland Browns Odell Beckham Jr. jersey? That souvenir is ours forever.