Yankee Fan Honored To Be Diagnosed With Lou Gehrig’s Disease

Speaking to a crowd of awed well-wishers from a consulting room in Beth Israel Hospital on Saturday, longtime New York Yankees fan Michael Solari said that he was incredibly honored to have just been diagnosed with Lou Gehrig’s disease.

“I had Lou Gehrig’s poster on my wall growing up, but I never imagined I could one day also experience the same gradual muscle weakening leading to eventual full paralysis and inability to breathe as my childhood hero,” said an excited Solari, wincing slightly at the coldness of the metal orthotic device his doctor was affixing to his ankle. “Being sat down and told I was about to die in the same way as my all-time favorite player has truly been the greatest privilege of my life.”

Amanda Solari, Michael’s wife, told reporters how much the diagnosis meant to his whole family. “When Mike first started having muscle spasms and slurring his words, we were absolutely thrilled,” said Mrs. Solari. “We never dreamed in a million years that he’d be lucky enough to be joining one of the greats in the same method of death.” Solari agreed with his wife, chiming in that today, he considered himself the second-luckiest man on the face of the earth.

According to sources, Solari could be overheard telling his son, “If you work hard, stay humble, and inherit the right autosomal dominant gene pattern, then maybe one day your dreams can come true, too. I know mine did.”