How To Cast Level 5 Magic Spells During Your Fantasy Football Draft

The NFL’s quest for ratings domination has led to a burgeoning fan base of dungeon masters, all excitedly polishing their wands for fantasy football. Newcomers might worry they don’t know all the rules, but don’t let that get your wizard cloak in a bunch. Turn this season into an unforgettable campaign by casting level 5 spells during your fantasy draft.

Slaying the snake draft starts with alignment chart roster construction. Team owners who choose Lawful Good pick the best player available while reminding everyone of the latest injury reports (they’re also known as “narcs”). Chaotic Neutral owners will draft Lamar Jackson in the third and start an early run on QBs, creating an initiative no one mocked for.

Then there’s Neutral Evil. Use this structure to become the perfect blend of Machiavelli and Vince Lombardi. Neutral Evils know there’s no need to waste a spell slot on “ACL Storm” for Christian McCaffrey since he’s bound to the “Drafted By Carolina Curse,” and that casting a “Feeblemind” spell will make someone an idiot beyond the gridiron—like Antonio Brown.

To cast level 5 magic spells, you’ll have to gain fantasy experience points by surviving each round. Dodge the strange goblin known as Patrick Mahomes in the first, consume the heart of George Kittle the orc in the fourth, and take care not to waste your Mirror Image on Dak Prescott and CeeDee Lamb—they’re shape shifters disguised as treasure chests.

Once you arrive at the fifth round, you become engulfed in radiant energy. Now is your chance—reach out your hand and summon a bolt of lightning as you cast “Giant’s Strength” upon Commanders RB Austin Ekler. The life force of your opponents drains as your vampiric value pick rips the veins from their writhing bodies. You are left alone, victorious atop a pile of rotting fantasy flesh.

Take your trophy, you brave wizard-warrior. The Forgotten Realms will forever toast to the name Team LaPortaPotty.