Shaq Averages Triple Double At In-N-Out Burger

Shaq posted another stunning performance last night, putting away 12 oz. of 100% American beef, 10 refills, and 11 stolen fries. Averaging an impressive triple double at In-N-Out Burger, Shaq leads the franchise with over 500 career Animal Style burgers, no lettuce.

Ever since coming to the West Coast, Shaq’s In-N-Out consumption has exploded, putting a fantastic season across the menu board with 49.1 fries per visit, 62% milkshake completion, and 14.1 cheeseburger assists.

While Shaq’s critics say he’s unable to order from deep lines and struggles to secure free refills, Shaq has consistently proven that he can always deliver or pickup.

This enabled Shaq to break Charles Barkley’s Triple-Triple record on his previous visit before being ejected for shattering a chair, stirring suspicion Shaq used flavor enhancing additives, a rumor Barkley brushed off.

“Shaq has been eating at a really high level for years. His HDL cholesterol levels are incredible. Simply put, his body was built for this,” Barkley said.

Turning his success on the food court into financial success, Shaq recently signed a three-year, $13 per hour deal to become an In-N-Out cashier, free meals included.