Antonio Brown Out 4-6 Weeks With Dislocated Thoughts

The injuries are piling up this NFL season, and sadly the Buccaneers’ Antonio Brown appears to be no exception, as reports indicate the veteran wide receiver will be sidelined for the next several weeks with dislocated thoughts.

According to ESPN’s Adam Schefter, who initially reported Brown would be out for “at least three” games pending successful completion of dislocated thought protocol, the injury occurred moments after Brown’s last touchdown reception, when the 5’10” receiver began to suspect that the celebrating Buccaneers fans had all stolen the face of his old high school football coach and were collectively mocking his helmet.

“We were warned this might happen, but Antonio was adamant he keep playing despite the potential for the game to re-aggravate his psyche,” said Buccaneers head coach Bruce Arians, who noted that Brown was currently undergoing the same grueling emotional therapy regimen given to DeSean Jackson during the latter’s own struggles with severe thought injury. “He even had a subluxated thought early on in training camp, but he just popped it right back into his head and continued practice as if he hadn’t just screamed, ‘This is my world, none of you are real!’ at the top of his lungs. That’s just the incredible type of player he is.” 

Brown himself did not respond when reached for comment, but his official Instagram recently posted the message “Thank U 4 Your Service Drew Carey” next to a picture of Brown icing his head inside of a cryotherapy machine. Team doctors, however, are still cautious, listing Brown as “permanently questionable,” and warning that even the slightest glimpse of Ben Roethlisberger, a court-ordered subpoena, or his own reflection could re-aggravate the injury.