Basketball Geneticists Successfully Breed Wilson Basketball With Gatorade Frost

After years of interspecies cross-fertilization, basketball geneticists announced Friday that they’ve successfully bred Wilson basketballs with Gatorade Frost. 

The drink-ball zygote marks the single greatest leap forward in the field of on-the-court hydration since the invention of Aquafina. 

The achievement, however, comes after decades of failed experimentation. “We tried Gatorade injections, topical applications, and even atomic fusion. Nothing worked,” said Dr. Johan Silke, NBA Professor and head of the Basketball Genome Project. “But we held out hope for breeding. After all, that’s how we got LeBron!” 

The thirst-quenching/inflatable ball is thought to be the apex of corporate synergy and should, if approved for public use, lead to billions in revenue worldwide. And while hybrid species are normally sterile, Dr. Silke is hopeful that “Frosty” will one day reproduce with a Gatorade Fierce to create bolder, more intense offspring to carry the sport forward. 

“In science, we call this a slam dunk,” commented Jane Goodall, who had been living with and studying Gatorade Frost in the wild for 20 years. “While a PowerAde-Spalding mix would have also met the league’s needs, unfortunately, PowerAde is a more aggressive beverage and does not mate well in captivity.”

Though the scientific community is excited, People for the Ethical Treatment of Electrolytes (PETE) is planning to protest the new hydration-ball, citing crossbreeding’s propensity to cause congenital issues like getting stuck on the rim and tasting like Propel.