Bears Fan Who Bet On Team’s Success Warned Not To Blow It All On One Artery

With the Chicago Bears currently leading the NFC North, no one could have predicted their rapid ascension; No one, that is, except for Bears superfan Bob Dabrowski, who stands to win $41,000 if their success continues. However, Dabrowski’s friends and family are concerned that he’s wasting his winnings on one artery. 

“I just wish Bob would diversify more with his winnings,” Dabrowski’s friend John Kowalski told us. “The carotid is great and all, but it’s just ONE artery.” However, Dabrowski insists that he is spending his winnings exactly how Mike Ditka would have wanted: on excessive amounts of food and beer.

“Unfortunitely, this is something we see all too often.” said Bob’s cardiologist/financial advisor George Kaminski. “They say that winning money is ultimately bad for you, and, in the case of Chicago bettors, it’s specifically bad for their arteries. Mr. Dabrowski’s total body unhealth is completely out of balance. He needs to diversify his winnings to make the rest of his body as unhealthy as his liver.

Unfortunately, Bob Dabrowski never got to see a penny of his winnings, nor did he get to watch the Bears make a playoff push. Shortly after our interview, Dabrowski shockingly and tragically died of type 3 diabetes.