Cardboard Pirates Fans Leave Game During 7th Inning Stretch

Citing terrible defense, horrendous pitching, and safety issues; the entirety of cardboard fans in attendance at today’s Pirates game exited the PNC Park stands during the seventh inning stretch. 

After giving up runs in every inning including the seventh, cardboard fans expressed their displeasure with the organization as they made their way back to their storage room. “Look, I’ve been a Pirates fan since I was first manufactured, so I’ve seen a lot of bad baseball but I haven’t seen baseball this bad since I was a tree outside the Birmingham Barons stadium during the Jordan era,” explained one cardboard fan. 

For a group of fans that have sat through every game since baseball and the Pirates returned, this was an amazing show of unity proving they refuse to be boxed in by the mismanagement of this organization. It was truly inspiring to see them stand up for each other, even if they did kind of blow down pretty quickly. 

Safety concerns have also been raised by the cardboard fans after the third cardboard fan this week was decapitated by a foul ball during today’s game. “You come to a game, and think it’s a fun affair, but nope, you could lose your cardboard-life. We’ve been here since the beginning and they are treating us like they could get a brand new shipment of freshly printed fans in here tomorrow, but it’d probably take at least two-three days,” said the cardboard fan. 

He concluded, “Me, my cardboard wife, my cardboard son, and all my cardboard friends are done with the Pittsburgh Pirates.” With the mass exodus of cardboard fans the Pirates are looking into having human fans attend games as early as 2022, for the first time in nearly 34 years.