Star Hockey Player Tired Of Getting Benched 37 Times A Game

Insisting that his stupid head coach just doesn’t understand the fundamentals of hockey, University of Michigan star forward Aiden Alexander during an postgame interview voiced his displeasure at getting benched over 37 times a game.

“The coach puts you out there for, like, 30 seconds and then calls you back to the bench. How are you supposed to accomplish anything? You can’t get into a rhythm if you’re constantly skating back and forth between the bench and ice,” Alexander said after registering three goals and two assists in 20:27 of ice time in Michigan’s 6-0 win against Michigan State. “How are you supposed to backcheck on the bench? How are you supposed to dish a saucer pass in the slot on the bench?”

Alexander, widely regarded as the team’s best player and a likely first-round pick in the upcoming NHL entry draft, further voice displeasure at how goalies play the entire game and get to wear special equipment.

“You work so hard to get to this level, and you still don’t get a decorative mask,” Alexander said, adding that he will continue to lobby the coaching staff to play him an entire 60 minutes to further increase his draft stock.

At practice today, EMS stretchered Alexander off the ice after he passed out during an inter-squad scrimmage which saw him on the ice for nine consecutive minutes.