D-Backs Announcer Clearly Working From Home

An air of confusion fell over the city of Phoenix yesterday, as it slowly became clear to everyone watching that D-Backs local play-by-play announcer Bob Berthiaume was clearly not present at the stadium and was instead calling the game from the living room of his Valley-area home.

“At first I thought Bert was in the broadcasting booth, but then I saw the little Zoom nameplate at the bottom of his screen, and I was like, wait—is this guy at his house?” Said avid Diamondbacks fan Ray Atencio. “Look, I get it: I’ve also had jobs where it seems like no one would even notice if you phoned it in. But a few of us still care, so do it for us, right? He called an entire inning on a five-play audio delay, for God’s sake.”

Later in the game, Berthiaume was interrupted by a doorbell, followed by a pair of dogs barking in the background. Reportedly, Berthiaume attempted to cough to try and cover the noise and then yelled, “Hey, who let all these dogs into the studio?” before returning to ask fellow analyst Brian Brenly, who was currently talking at the time, if he could remember the last time wild animals had been let loose into a broadcasting booth.

This was followed moments later by the sound of a loud toilet flush, although Atencio conceded this could have been due to the layout of Chase Field’s facilities, and hopefully not Berthiaume carrying his laptop into the bathroom with him.

According to fans, the announcer’s repeated unnecessary insistence that he really was calling the game “live” were similarly unnerving.

“He kept saying stuff like, ‘Wow! What a crowd of between one-thousand and forty-eight thousand people we have with us today,’” said Atencio. “It’s like, dude—you’re not fooling anyone.”

Berthiaume’s internet finally went out completely early in the ninth, causing the announcer’s face to freeze motionlessly while a flustered Brenly rushed to announce the game himself. When Berthiaume finally came back on camera eight minutes later, his background had somehow changed to a giant, horizontally stretched picture of his own face, causing the commentator to mutter an expletive followed by “Who even cares?” under his breath.

The camera then turned its attention back to the field of play, where it was clear from the team’s equipment manager carrying an iPad onto the field that D-Backs cleanup hitter, David Peralta, had also chosen to work from home.