Division III Team Really Playing Like A Division II Team Today

Spectators of the Division III football team Mount Union Purple Raiders were reportedly very impressed by Saturday’s game, saying that they could have sworn that they were watching a D-II program. “I couldn’t believe it. They were playing like a real D-II team. And by that I mean somewhat better,” said a Purple Raiders fan, noting that the team showed up in full equipment and everything. 

With a pass completion up from 43% all the way to 46%, practice held every day of the week, and now a team playbook, scouts are beginning to take notice. “Wow, there’s no denying. These guys were good today. I’m talking D-II good. I mean, they’d probably only lose to Alabama by 85 or 100 or so,” said a scout, saying that if the team was taller, faster and naturally harder working they’d really be something. 

“Today will go down as an all time D-III game. It was like witnessing an average D-II or even a career-ruining level bad D-1 game,” said the scout, noting that the QB played like a top 1,500 collegiate quarterback. With an audience of over 240, fans are calling the Mount Union Purple Raiders performance a “statement” game, clarifying that that statement is that “pretty good at football. Not great.”

“Hell, what we witnessed today, these guys remind me of the 2006 Grand Valley State Lakers, or dare I say the 2019 Ouachita Baptist Tigers,” said the scout, who thinks that the D-3 Purple Raiders are even good enough to absolutely be eviscerated on AM sports radio. Undermining their newfound momentum, the star TE exited the team after signing a league minimum contract with Bill Belichick.