Dodger Stadium Hosts ‘Dodger Night’ To Pay Tribute To The Many Cowardly Americans Who Refused To Fight In World War II

Dodger Stadium paid tribute to some of our nation’s most gutless cowards during “Dodger Night” this past weekend, which honored over a dozen spineless Americans who refused to fight in World War II.

The ceremony has been a staple of the team dating all the way back to its early Brooklyn days, when it was founded by a group of soldiers who deserted during the Civil War. The franchise upheld this storied tradition in 1958 when it dodged its responsibilities in Brooklyn to start fresh on the sunny shores of California. Today, “Dodger Night” is beloved the world over by fans, deadbeats, and wimps alike.

Dodger GM Dave Roberts hosted the event. “Thank you for your non-service. You are everything we at the Dodgers stand for as an organization,” he said to the 90 and 100-year-old men who had been wheeled onto the field by their caregivers amidst a standing ovation. “You made the ultimate non-sacrifice to this great country. You didn’t do your share. You dishonored our nation. And for that, the Dodgers salute you.” 

Roberts singled out one particular non-vet named Phil Drysdale for his non-contributions. “Phil not only dodged the draft, but he went on to dodge his taxes, two wives at the altar, years of child support, and all payments on his Dodge Ram,” Roberts said as he awarded him the team’s prestigious Yellow Heart medal, which Roberts accepted on his behalf since Drysdale flaked out two minutes before the ceremony began.

“Dodger Night” remains controversial in baseball, particularly amongst the Dodgers’ bitter rivals, the Atlanta Braves, who were founded by descendants of the American Revolution. “It’s despicable,” said former owner Ted Turner, though he conceded he did approve when the team dodged the color barrier in 1947 by signing Jackie Robinson.

Famed Dodger Tommy Lasorda was scheduled to emcee the night’s events, though abandoned the gig earlier this year by dying.