Hear Us Out: NASCAR But With Airplanes

NASCAR is a beloved sport, but it’s overdue for a major, and quite frankly, obvious upgrade. The way we see it: NASCAR is the finest sport in human history, but how do we…amp it up even further?  NASCAR needs more power, more horsepower, and bigger vehicles, so hear us out: we do NASCAR races but with airplanes. Both propeller and jet planes?  Yup, yeah, yes! 

This’ll mean much-needed upgrades to NASCAR operations. In addition to reconstructing the tracks so that they are four miles-wide and outfitted with proper lighting, all pit crews must immediately be replaced with a fully-functional air traffic control team and ground crew. While the plane refuels at its gate, the guys with the light sticks will wave their hands in all kinds of extreme loops and turns.

The injection of this awesome raw power into racing means nonstop action as a fleet of ad-covered 737s, 787s, and A320s round the track, always prepared for takeoff but never surpassing the FAA’s speed limit of 30 knots on the taxiway because we want extreme safety, not extreme danger. 

Fans won’t be able to get enough of the sounds of a GE or Rolls Royce-powered turbofan engine going from off to idle or the smell of bitter carbon dioxide blanketing the air from jet exhaust because their favorite pilots will be waving hello from the flight deck for nine hours straight as the circle the track 500 times.

And when it’s all said and done? The victorious plane will ascend to 37,000 feet into the heavens, retract its landing gear, and make its scheduled flight from Daytona to Atlanta, safely delivering passengers to a destination they selected. What’s that? Double the money? Paying fans and paying passengers? Yup, yeah, yes!