Help! Aaron Rodgers Is Bored And Won’t Stop DMing Us ‘Alien Autopsy’ Highlights

With the Jets season over, when we at Sports Riot got our first DM from Aaron Rodgers, we were stoked. But what we first saw as a blessing, soon turned into a curse. And now, it’s 4:30 a.m., and our intern, Jason, has 36 unread messages on his phone… and Aaron Rodgers will not stop blowing us up with supposed alien autopsy footage.

At least in the beginning he would space them out. We’d chat about postseason expectations or Jordan Love’s potential when suddenly — bam — there’s grainy footage from the Egyptian Navy of a three-foot little gray guy with his chest cavity splayed out on a table. We rolled our eyes at the time, but still appreciated that A-Rod let that one drop like an Allen Lazard “catch” without commentary and moved on. 

But dear God, we had no idea what was to come.

Cut to today, when our intern Samara comes to us in tears and resigns (yes, Jason is our third new intern this week). Apparently, when Samara said she didn’t want to storm Area 51 with him after his Achilles healed up, Rodgers became extremely upset and spammed her for 12 hrs straight with the message, “they got to you just like they got to Jimmy Kimmel!!” 

Frankly, we don’t blame her for leaving.

Next, our office received fax after fax with the words, “MEXICAN GOVERNMENT—TOP SECRET” stamped on them. Yes, all misspelled. We didn’t even know our office had a fax machine. And don’t get us started on the videos and gifs Rodgers keeps sending. We can only hope these graphic images are — best-case scenario — actual alien gore. (We didn’t think LiveLeak was still a website.) 

Yes, these communications from Rodgers are all unhinged. But we have to admit… this is still way better than the dick pics Brett Favre keeps sending us.