Huge Balls: This Infielders WalkUp Song Is I Don’t Want To Wait by Paula Cole

When it’s time to choose a walk-up song, most ballplayers stick with hip-hop or hard rock. But one Texas Rangers first baseman has chosen a different tack.

Exhibiting over-sized balls, Brett Vega has chosen to walk up to Paula Cole’s singer-songwriter classic, “I Don’t Want to Wait,” which the 6-foot-2-inches, 250-pound lefty discovered while attending Lilith Fair in 2010.

“That performance really fucking got me going,” Vega said. “She was so vulnerable, so pure.” He added he doesn’t get embarrassed to hear it blare over Globe Life Field’s sound system four times per game. “I have two Gold Gloves,” he said. “I have a team MVP. I love Paula Cole.”

But not everyone holds the same acclaim for the pop classic. “Yeah, I hate that fucking song,” said Rangers’ manager Bucky Loeb, who admits to being more of a Kate Bush man. “But respect to Vega for the monumental mountain oysters. Plus, he’s hitting a ton, so we’re not going to take it away from him.”

Royals’ reliever Frank Chapman agrees with Loeb. “It’s an unwritten rule to throw at anyone who walks-up to Paula Cole,” Chapman said. “But dang it if I don’t respect his gargantuan avocados too much. It’s like that other song, ‘Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?’ Well, there he is — right in the batter’s box.”

Not all players are quick to defend Vega’s king-sized cojones. Orioles’ hurler Tony Shocked, who walks out to “Break Stuff” by Limp Bizkit, threw at Vega’s head on Opening Day. “I couldn’t handle what was happening in my ears,” Shocked said after the game, “or in my heart. It was either I took his head off or spread out a picnic blanket.”

But in addition to having elephantine gonads, Vega possesses catlike reflexes and leapt out of the way of Shocked’s beanball. Where most players would take several at-bats to rally from such a violent brushback, Vega sent the next pitch over the right-field fence, and the Rangers won 5-2. When asked how he was able to recover so quickly, Vega said, “it’s all in the song.” He paused to wipe a tear. “Paula doesn’t want to wait. Neither did I.”