Hurry Up! The White Sox Are Giving Free Copper Piping To The First 200 Fans At Today’s Game

Step right up! Step right up!

Come have some southside copper piping! Feel like a loser? So do we! In fact, over a hundred times over, so here’s some copper piping!

Oh – also, we, the Chicago White Sox, are going to need you to comply with our alibi.

Why?

Making money is hard – especially when you’re trash! The plan is to leave a huge claim with Southside Insurance Co. Hey! We were just minding our business not managing a baseball team when twelve hundred tons of copper piping was stolen!

Gotta turn a profit somehow!

See you at the game!

Sincerely,

CHICAGO WHITE SOX MANAGEMENT