Karate Chop Voted Greatest Move In History Of Combat Sports

After a decade-long study of kung fu masters, coaches, and the best fighters across disciplines, the greatest move in the history of combat sports has finally been revealed: the karate chop. This search, funded by the U.N. to develop and train international forces, gained international attention as fans, athletes, and barroom brawlers the world over waited intently on its results.

“Hammerfists, bitchslaps, flying donkey kicks, they’re all fine, but when an opponent connects on a well-placed chop to the neck, even the toughest fighters fall like a sack of potatoes,” commented UFC commissioner Dana White, adding that moves like the Muay Thai Slow Death, Folding-Chair-To-The-Back-Of-The-Head, and Post-Coital-Mantis Decapitation all take too much time to execute.

“The beauty of it is, even if the KC doesn’t knock an opponent out cold, which it will, they will be dumbfounded you even attempted it. It’s a mental attack as well as physical,” Chuck Norris stated. “Trust me, everyone expects a roundhouse kick. But nobody expects a swift, side-handed strike to where the neck meets the shoulders coming in hot at over 100mph with the force of an anti-aircraft missile and with psychologically damaging effects on par with not getting enough oxygen in the womb.”

The Texas Throat Rip, Nigerian Kneecap Exploder, and “Jimmy Hoffa” were all blown out of the water by the karate chop. None were surprised, for the chop is as universally respected as a well-placed dig at one’s mother: the greatest insult in the history of argument.