LA Prices Force Chargers To Move Back In With Padres

Embarrassed to abandon their Tinseltown dreams, the Los Angeles Chargers have announced the team has moved back to its hometown of San Diego to live with the Padres. According to a team spokesperson, not even sharing Sofi Stadium with roommates — the L.A. Rams — was enough to offset the city’s prohibitive cost of living. 

The move has managed to stir up old, toxic dynamics between the Padres and the Chargers.  “Waking up in the locker room’s racecar bed was bad enough, but when the Padres roused us at the crack of dawn to mow the lawn, we didn’t know how long we could take it,” Chargers wide receiver Keenan Allen said in a video on TikTok. “Then they told us we’re not even allowed to touch the thermostat, which is firmly set on 80 degrees.”

Quarterback Justin Herbert is also facing difficulty with the transition. “We have to be home by 11 p.m. every night — 9 p.m. on game nights. I haven’t had a curfew since before college,” the former University of Oregon standout complained on his Finsta. “And Mondays are mandatory movie nights! But if we don’t follow the rules, the Padres said they will kick us out and we can’t risk that.”

When the Chargers will be able to move out is unknown. Until then, the only thing certain to running back Austin Ekeler is that though the Padres haven’t touched the treadmill they stuffed into the new office once, they are “definitely having more sex than I remember.”