Last-Second Shot Clinches DUI

Capping off a real nail-biter last Friday, 28-year-old Jason Fung clinched a DUI with a last-second shot. Although contested by the bartender who’d previously cut him off, Fung juked left and drained the shot right in the defender’s face as the last call bell sounded.

“We needed him, and he came through for us. He must have Smirnoff Ice in his veins,” said college buddy and bar trivia teammate Nate Raley regarding his friend’s liquid courage and skill as a wingman that helped the rest of the team score.  Despite the amount of pressure placed on his shoulders, Fung, like his father, has now solidified his name in Illinois state history with his own personal record and, more impressively, accomplished it without attending pre-game warmups.

“He’s come a long way since his college years,” said former drinking buddy and barfly Dane Smith. “Heck, even this time last year he was only averaging a BAC of .06, but now that he’s slimmed down and divorced, he probably averages .1 or above on a given night. He practices his shots so often that he no longer gets pre-game jitters. Hard work really pays off.”

Fung’s desires to weave through traffic were thwarted by rival police who stopped him before he even attempted to drive through the lane. Although currently unavailable for comment, Fung’s pre-detox performance earned him the Hyundai Keys to the Car.