Misleading: ‘Great’ American Ball Park Filled With People From Cincinnati

Imagine my surprise while on my “Great American Road Trip” to experience all the “great” things America has to offer, like the Great American Bagel and Six Flags Great America, that I stumbled into a so-called “Great” American Ball Park only to find the stands were filled with people from Cincinnati.

How could this ballpark, so packed with fans from the Ohio River valley, so located in the third-largest city in Ohio that starts with the letter C, call itself “great?” It’s not like it offers great desserts like the Great American Cookie or even great whole life insurance policies like Great American Insurance. No, it offers a bunch of people that once elected Jerry Springer mayor and like to suck down chili in the five grossest ways possible, all while rooting for the Bengals on the side.

And if the “Great” American Ball Park is so “great,” why is it in a town that borders Kentucky? And not even the good part of Kentucky with the horses. What’s stopping all those people from crossing the one bridge into town and representing our nation in this “Great” American stadium? Do you know the last time a large collection of Kentuckians came together? It was to form the state of Kentucky and let’s look at how that mess has turned out.

The people from Cincinnati proper are no picnic themselves. Did you know two presidents came from this city? Yeah, real “great” ones like Benjamin Harrison, who no one’s ever heard of, and William Henry Harrison, who died a month after he was sworn in.  And don’t get me started on the “Cincinnati Red Machine.” More like the “Cincinnati In-The-Red-From-Gambling-Machine,” thanks to the “great” Pete Rose.

So Cincinnati, may I suggest you change “Great American Ball Park” to something less misleading? Like “Great American Sewer” or just “Ball Park?” I know it’s a lot to ask. Not every ballpark can be great, like the one in my hometown that’s filled with people from Cleveland.