NBA Admits They Just Kind Of Guess For Defensive Player Of The Year

The highest honors for the world’s top basketball players, the NBA Awards, are determined by a panel of sportswriters and broadcasters, but when it comes to determining Defensive Player of the Year, NBA Awards voters admit they just kind of guess who should win.

“I usually pick the tallest player, but sometimes I pick the shortest player,” said one voter, adding that they abandoned their previous voting process of hanging pictures on the wall, throwing a dart at them, and then picking the player based on whose face the dart hits.

Another voter leaves it all up to chance. “I flip a coin. I like to let the universe decide such an important decision for me,” the voter said, a departure from the more mystical approach, such as asking a Magic 8-Ball.

With so many deserving candidates, voting often requires a more remedial system, such as eeny meeny miny moe.

But for one long-tenured voter, an outside-the-box strategy is the only way to vote, “It should go to the best offensive player. Because the best defense is a good offense.”