New Report Shows Millennial Quarterbacks Possess Only 5% As Much Wealth As Boomer Esiason
A new study released this week from the NFL’s Economic Policy Institute has pinpointed an alarming trend, showing that today’s Millennial quarterbacks possess only a fraction of the wealth of the comparably well-off Boomer Esiason.
“It comes down to two factors: The cost of playing football is skyrocketing, and minimum quarterback wage hasn’t risen since the early nineties,” said lead Institute researcher and former NFL player Drew Bledsoe, who stated he counted himself lucky that he had retired before the Crisis of 2008, when Eli Manning won his first Super Bowl. “From having to ride-share over to their local VIP table, to not being able to land an analyst job because Boomer refuses to retire… today’s millennial quarterbacks are experiencing an economic reality that Boomer Esiason could not even dream of.”
On top of shifting conditions, modern quarterbacks are also pointing to the various perks they claim Boomer Esiason enjoyed which are no longer available to them.
“There just wasn’t as much competition, so of course it was easier to get into the NFL back when Boomer had a job there,” complained millennial quarterback Jared Goff. “Pedigree matters more, too, now. Boomer went to Maryland, but now you need to go to an elite school like Alabama to get the same result. Boomer has no idea.”
Esiason was quick to defend his own record, stating that he felt that today’s millennial quarterbacks could have better outcomes if they weren’t spending money frivolously on things like daily TB12 protein shakes and state-of-the-art anti-concussive helmet technology.
Bledsoe, however, disagreed with Esiason’s assessment:
“If these discrepancies hold, the days of a quarterback leaving the game on his own terms are behind us,” warned the former-Pro-slash-researcher. “Today’s quarterbacks might be able to retire when they’re eighty. But frankly, some of these younger quarterbacks are going to remain on that field until they drop dead.”
