NFL Raises $40 Million For Charity Awareness

Continuing its long history of explicit corporate philanthropy, the NFL announced that it has raised over $40 million for a cause it holds near and dear to its heart: Charity Awareness.

“Thanks to the success of this year’s Fans Give Back Pancake Breakfast, millions of people will finally be made aware of the existence of charities – charities that so desperately need your financial help,” said NFL Commissioner and bleeding-heart-in-chief, Roger Goodell. “The money raised here today will be put directly towards important causes like updating all stadiums and player uniforms to lime green – the official color of charities everywhere.”

When asked if Charity Awareness, like Breast Cancer Awareness before it, would also receive a dedicated marketing month of its own, Goodell flashed his trademark sly smile before responding.

“While the original plan was to give Charity Awareness the month of June, we’ve decided instead to go all-in on October – officially making it the NFL’s Month of Awareness,” said a delighted Goodell, “For 31 days, our league will dedicate itself to making our fans completely aware of all sorts of important causes, ranging from Kidney Failure Awareness all the way to 25% Off Year-Old Jerseys Awareness.”

In addition, the NFL has also pledged to host it’s first-ever Owners Pasta Dinner, where the league is hopeful it’ll be able to raise a whopping $5,000 towards helping families who have been affected by the construction of new pro football stadiums.