Pathetic: None Of These “Elite 8” Got Into Harvard

The NCAA has given the world this spring a so-called “elite eight,” despite none of the utterly pathetic eight having been accepted into Harvard (like I was in 1987), which is, of course, the only institution for which the designation of “elite” is acceptable.

Call me an “elitist” all you want (and you actually can, since I went to Harvard), but only Harvard and Harvardians like me should be the subject of that word. Lord knows, if I heard a Yalie say it, I — a respectable Harvard alum — would be required to spit in his or her unwashed face. 

If these eight wanted to go to Harvard (as this author did), they should have studied more, gotten a tutor, or been born a legacy (like my dad, my dad’s dad, and I were), instead of playing whatever sad game it is these eight are playing without the assistance of horses or oars.

Perhaps if the Kennedys went to Baylor, or if Gonzaga clerked for a Supreme Court judge, or if San Diego State was Malia Obama, I might tune into CBS during fiscal quarter one to watch these “elite” eight do whatever it is they are doing, instead of donating new wings to my alma mater (Harvard) in honor of my nephew’s acceptance.

But until then the “elite eight” are: Harvard Med School, Harvard Law School, Harvard Business School, Harvard Divinity School, Harvard Undergrad, Good Will Hunting, Facebook, the Unabomber (pre-bombs), and Natalie Portman.