Player’s Future Uncertain Due To Injuries And Laws Of The Universe

After suffering a devastating achilles tear during the NBA Finals and continuing to be bound by the laws of nature, Kevin Durant’s future in the league is anything but certain. “Durant could either extend his contract with the Warriors or go to Knicks, but between the severe nature of the tear and the increasing level of disorder caused by all energy shifting toward a state of entropy, it’s physically impossible to forecast where he’ll sign this offseason,” remarked NBA Insider and MIT Professor of Astrophysics, Robin Novak.

Although Durant declined to comment, sources close to the 10-time All-Star reported his decision will factor in both his recovery time as well as the infinite number of unpredictable events that could occur at any given moment. No team, nor random act of God is reportedly off the table for Durant, including a new career as a bullfighter, the world exploding into a bunch of bite-size cookies, or even a contract with the Minnesota Timberwolves.

“We can’t even be sure that KD will be alive 10 minutes from now, let alone what city he’ll choose to play in next,” the MIT professor added. “Given the volatile and chaotic nature of the universe, the only certainty in Durant’s life is: f(x) y + 293 – x + 19z