Playoff Berth Or Childbirth: Which Is Harder?

 

It’s normally that time of the season again when a few teams have already earned a playoff spot while others are fighting to make it into the postseason. That got us thinking: is squeezing out a baby during childbirth harder than squeezing out of a tight space in your division to clinch a playoff berth? It’s a dumb question with a clear answer. One involves a whole bunch of pain, literal blood, sweat, tears, and screaming the ‘c-word’ at your significant other—and the other is childbirth.   Seriously, let’s do this math on this one (but if you’re a woman have someone in STEM [i.e. a man] check your work). First off, women can plan their births with C-sections or induced labor. That means while women are sitting pretty (lying down, actually!), pumped so full of drugs they can’t even feel their anuses tearing while a third party (a doctor, most likely a man!) does all the actual work, players are laboring game-after-game, week-after-week, never knowing when or if the berth is going to happen. Now, which one is the real miracle? And, big deal, sometimes birth leaves women sore and wearing ice diapers for a week or two. Ever heard of an ice bath? Players put their whole bodies in those all the time. And, you don’t see any of them having accidents on themselves if you don’t help them use the bathroom. Not to mention, every single lady with working lady organs can pinch out a kid. That’s like if every team that had working arms and legs was guaranteed a playoff spot.  Maybe if pregnant women had to compete with one another for childbirth like teams have to compete for a playoff berth, things would be more equal. But of course, women only want equality when it’s not too hard. That’s why childbirth pales in comparison to a playoff berth. Trust me, I’m a mother of four and have not once made it to the NBA playoffs. It’s simple to know which is harder to accomplish.