Pope’s Punk-Ass Been Awfully Quiet Since Divisional Round

Even though football is a religion for many Chicagoans, the Catholic community was still flabbergasted when Pope Leo XIV donned a Rome Odunze jersey and cheese grater foam hat in the lead-up to the NFL Divisional Round. Even more shocking was when he used the Vatican’s official X account to post several blasphemous GIFs of Caleb Williams walking on water. But now, there are no sounds of shitposting to be heard anywhere inside the Vatican’s walls.

After all of Leo’s Windy City bluster, the Bears ultimately fumbled their chance to play in the NFC Championship Game. Since the loss, the once outspoken Pope hasn’t made a peep. The silence has left many skeptics and Green Bay residents wondering, “Where’s your God now, you punk-ass casual?”

The mockery directed toward Pope Leo is not without warrant. He made a very public show of confidence after the Bears won the Wild Card, misquoting Deuteronomy while addressing Vatican City. “The Lord your God goes with Ben Johnson,” said Leo, grating cheese over the crowd. “He fights against the enemy and gives victory to da Bears.” The Pope then led a prayer that included every verse of “The Super Bowl Shuffle.”

A lack of public appearances is one thing, but further telling is that the Pope skipped his weekly segment on Chicago sports talk radio. “Leo never misses a chance to talk shit on-air,” said CHGO co-host Mark Carman. “I got so worried, I called for a wellness check at the Papal Palace. Turns out he was just watching old 85 Bears’ highlights, tear-streaked face stuffed with communion crackers, muttering something about excommunicating the entire city of Los Angeles.”

Fans of the Pope say the Holy Father should ask for forgiveness and humble himself before the Lord. Packers fans disagree, claiming this proves that Buddhism is the one true religion. Regardless of faith or team allegiances, everyone seems to agree on one thing: the Pope is a total homer who doesn’t know ball.