Quiz: Do You Have What It Takes To Mentally Abuse Your Kid Until They’re A Tennis Star?

From Andre Agassi to Jennifer Capriati, we know that behind every great tennis star is a piece-of-shit dad. Take this quiz to find out if you have what it takes to forge your kid in the fires of mental abuse until they become a tennis phenom.

 

Do you have anything going for you in your own life?

  1. I have a fulfilling work and family life.
  2. I have hobbies.
  3. Forcing my kids to practice tennis until they hate me and the sport is a 24/7 job.

 

How do you view your children?

  1. As unique beings with their own hopes and dreams.
  2. As an annoyance.
  3. As an extension of myself through which I will experience glory.

 

How loud can you scream in public?

  1. Never tried.
  2. Average.
  3. The police told me 129 decibels.

 

How many times a week should your child practice their other hobbies?

  1. Practice makes perfect, but don’t overdo it.
  2. My kids do what they want, when they want.
  3. The better question is, how many times a week should my kids get a break? It’s zero, wimps.

 

Do you have a gaping hole where your soul should be that’s only filled by debasing your kid until you can mold them like clay into the tennis star YOU always wanted to be?

  1. Wtf?
  2. No.
  3. Stop reading my diary! 😉 <3

 

RESULTS:

MOSTLY 1’s – Sorry pal, you are too good of a parent and human being to raise a tennis star. The most you can hope for is a well-adjusted adult that loves you.

MOSTLY 2’s – You’re an emotionally absent father who doesn’t seem to have ever wanted kids. While you might not have a tennis star on your hands, you will raise someone richer than all the other dads! Because of OnlyFans, though.

MOSTLY 3’s – CONGRATULATIONS! You’re an empty, irredeemable scumbag who shouldn’t be allowed near children, let alone raise any. You live through your children’s successes, but leave them alone with the mental anguish you inflict. They pray every night for your death. … You are raising the next Venus and Serena Williams!

 

Look out for next week’s quiz: Are Your Parents Big Enough Potheads For You To Become A BASE Jumper?