The Top 6 Animals Randy Johnson Has Destroyed On And Off The Field

Did you know that bird wasn’t Randy Johnson’s first foray into destroying an animal with a ball? Here are the other top 6 beasts “The Big Unit” has obliterated:

Mule (1972): Randy Johnson would impress his friends by throwing rocks at his neighbors’ animals. He got so good he could kill a full grown mule in just 2-3 throws. His neighbor, a psychopath himself, encouraged Randy’s passion for throwing and signed him up for the local baseball team.

School Salamander (1978): Livermore High’s science lab companion Sally the Salamander was found on a campus tree trying to escape one morning. Despite best efforts no one could reach Sally’s branch height. Randy hucked his backpack baseball intending to hit the tail and knock beloved Sally into campus security’s hands. Sadly, the ball had movement and struck the salamander’s head violently, exploding the lizard on impact. Randy had discovered his legendary slider.

Minor League Tryouts (1986): As is standard with most Minor League teams, Randy was dropped into the wilderness with nothing but a ball and mitt to survive. Randy found his way back to civilization only a few days later, enduring on nothing but ball-drilled-squirrels.

Bird (2001): After 31 consecutive balls pitched in chase of that bird, Randy finally got him in the strike zone and didn’t miss his chance. The crowd erupted and Randy only thirsted for more. This is the first time a crowd cheered when he killed an animal with a ball.

Dingoes (2007): Randy Johnson spent the 2007 offseason working for The Australian Wildlife Council. They sent the Cy Young winner into the Outback with a sack of baseballs, and let him have at it for 2 months, where he cut down the dingo population, and also a lot of koalas, and allegedly some tourists, and a Jeep Wrangler, and the Navy Seal recon team they sent in to take him back to the US.

Endangered White Rhinoceros (2010, 2013, 2015-2018, 2021-Present): After all this time legend has it that Randy wanders southern Africa with one baseball in his back pocket searching, seeking the ultimate challenge, the ultimate competitor. The elusive and deceptive Zimbabwe white rhinoceros.