Remembering Hockeykkah: The Eight-Day Celly Commemorating The Miracle On Ice

Remembering Hockeykkah: The Eight-Day Celly Commemorating The Miracle On Ice

The holidays are upon us, and while many celebrated around a tree yesterday, December 25th, members of the ancient skating tribe are observing eight straight days of Hockeykkah cheer.

Hockeykkah (or Chockeykah) is a remembrance of Team USA’s shocking upset over their Soviet oppressors at the 1980 Lake Placid Olympic Games. Legend has it, the Soviets had long outlawed Americans’ observance of hockey victories. So, Herb Brooks put on his plaid battle pants, rounded up a group of young rebels, and got to coaching.

The underdog Americans, who were barely old enough to be CrossBar Mitzvahed, faced a Herculean task. With too little oil in the tank to light the lamp once, they came from behind and kept it lit eight times longer, beating the USSR and earning Hockeykkah the moniker: “festival of lights.”

This “miracle” is why players across the country light their sticks on fire for eight days of epic celly that no Soviet hoser could ever put out. And no celly is complete without Hockeykkah gelt, chocolate coins representing the gold medals worn by Team USA so long ago, or potato latkes, puck-shaped biscuits resembling the dirty gino sniped by captain Judah Eruzione.

So grab your sticks, wrap your teammates seven small gifts and one good one, and chirp after me:

Baruch ata America, eloheinu melech h’Olympics, asher kid’shanu Do You Believe In Miracles? Yes!!! USA! USA! USA!

Amen and Happy Hockeykkah!