Sports Gambler Ruins Space Time Continuum Betting On Self To Bet

In a move that physicists and bookies alike are calling “dangerous” and “irresponsible,” lifelong gambler Mackenzie Kesselman destroyed the space time continuum when betting on himself to bet. “I just thought it was a prop bet. I didn’t think I’d actually win let alone rip apart the fabric of the universe,” Kesselman commented.

Scientists have reported that betting on a future event that simultaneously causes that event to happen, therefore winning the bet, coupled with the inevitability of every event’s instantaneous placement in the past, Kesselman’s bets multiplied in a sort of time loop of winnings leading him to bankrupt the MGM Grand, then America, then finally the world.

“I knew something was up when I saw a photograph of my family change before my eyes. Our clothes faded and were replaced by designer apparel, our home in the backdrop disappeared into a beachside mansion, and my wife’s breasts grew into exquisite works of art.”

Astrophysicist Neil Degrasse Tyson further explained the phenomenon on Twitter: “The gravity of an endless cycle of winning bets could create a force with such gravity that it causes the 4-dimensional plane we call the space-time continuum to warp eventually creating a blackhole where time is slowed and life as we know it becomes stuck in singularity at the core of the event horizon.”

Due to the severity of destroying the universe and the magnitude of their losses, the MGM Grand is sending a Time Cop Pit Boss to the past to influence Kesselman to bet on himself not to bet. As of this publication not much is known of the retaliation Kesselman is expected to get…or…has it already happened?