Tragedy Strikes Rudy Gobert Again As He Realizes ICU Nurse Gave Him Fake Number

At a press conference this afternoon, Jazz center Rudy Gobert announced tragedy has struck him yet again: an ICU nurse has given him a fake phone number. “I thought that only happened to old people or those with deficiencies in their bank accounts, but apparently even the rich and famous aren’t immune from the harsh sting of rejection,” Gobert lamented before reminding all viewers to take romantic endeavors seriously and remain a safe distance away from disinterested parties.

“I did what I normally do: some light flirting and touching. I put my hands all over her medical equipment and even playfully touched the stethoscope and  asked if it was a microphone, but apparently she was not amused.” Hospital staff reported that Gobert ignored her signs and got fake digits like so many others.

“I found out her number was a fake last night, when I shared it with teammate Donovan Mitchell and his phone dialed a Papa John’s. I felt shocked.” In light of this development, the NBA has put a hold on players’ flirting for the foreseeable future.

UPDATE: All NBA players will be taken to a remote location, possibly Orlando, to flirt with consenting adults.